One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is to develop a practice of self-love. Love flourishes by building skills to support the nervous system even in the setting of challenge and uncertainty. The practice creates greater resilience for short- and long-term goals and connects us with our purpose. Love is the meeting place between peace and action. Love begins with listening.
Love is Harmony, Cellular Harmony
Think back to an event in your life when you felt understood and accepted. Perhaps it was a time when you were worried about something in the future. Or maybe you held onto the pain of a mistake longer that you wanted to. You chose to speak your truth to that person – to tell them your feelings and fears. They sat and listened until you had nothing left to say, rather than trying to tell you to get over it or give you advice on how to fix something. “It sounds like things are hard for you right now. Thank you for sharing that with me.”
As you read this and contemplate, imagine what it felt like in your body to be heard. Visualize the feeling you felt – maybe it was a sense of greater flow and ease – like a weight had been lifted off your chest. The recipient of your expression created an environment to honor your feelings. And often listening is enough. Listening is a form of love.
The first duty of love is to listen.
Paul Tillich
Love is cellular harmony.
Love is cellular harmony. We are composed of trillions of intercommunicating cells. Substances known as hormones and neurotransmitters get transmitted through blood vessels and nerves. Nearly every cell within the body has cortisol receptors. Cortisol is a stress hormone that prepares the body for attack, defense, energy conservation, or concealment (fight, fright, freeze, or fawn). The adrenal glands secrete this along with epinephrine and norepinephrine to ready the body to address something currently in the way, a stressor. A stressor is something in the moment, real or perceived, that commands our attention. Even a thought can hold us captive.
It isn’t hard to imagine the bodily sensation you feel when you perceive harm. It is a full-body experience: increased awareness, faster heart rate, shallow breathing, and forward-facing posture. You may feel a pressure in your chest or neck pain.
You may even notice these feelings when you think about a stressor as you read this. Now take a few full breaths. Feel what it feels like to have the breath lift your chest and the air expand your lungs. Notice how your thoughts diminish as you focus your attention on the body.
Breathing creates space between our first response to a stressor. It is how we begin to listen to our bodies. It is an act of love. Breathing nourishes the body with oxygen. The act of breathing slows the heart rate and reduces the blood pressure (reference). While stress reactivity and anxiety are associated with a faster pulse rate and higher blood pressure, the opposite occurs with slow breathing, creating a state of relaxation. In that setting, there is greater equilibrium between reactivity and calm – a process that enables resilience and creativity. It is a state of cellular harmony.
How to Love Yourself More?: Start by Listening
What if we could transform the signal of a potential threat to one of open curiosity while supporting our nervous system to return to stability? The signal dampens and we feel a return to steady state. We can do this for ourselves, starting with taking a deep breath and allowing time before acting. We can do this by setting boundaries to others about what you can be responsible for and what is not yours to spend energy on.
Love begins as a listening practice. Imagine meeting someone who you are attracted to and getting to know them more and more by creatining a welcoming environment for them to tell their truth. The same hold true for listening to ourselves, listening to our bodies.
The first duty of love is to listen. When we listen to ourselves nonjudgmentally and with curioisty, we open ourselves to what our bodies need at the moment. Although our struggles are not erased, we can meet ourselves with compassion and acceptance. Listening reduces suffering in the moment. The healing can then begin.
The Listening Practice
Here are a few things to try when you are feeling a sense of stress and overwehelm:
- Listen – When you are feeling a sense of overwhelm or stress, scan your body for any feelings at the moment. Look for areas where there is increased tension or pressure, such as in the chest, neck, or stomach.
- Breathe – Take several deep and slow breaths. The exercise puts a priority on your feelings at the moment and allows the body to integrate and imagine.
- Notice – Stay aware of how the body changes through the breathing. You may notice the cloud of captive thoughts dissapates. You may notice softening of your posture and a sense of greater ease.
- Affirm – As we gain an awareness to the state of relaxation, we may choose to affirm our abilities. The act of affirmation creates a pathway of confidence, resilience, and creativity. You may choose to affirm your sensations in a single powerful sentence: “I noticed a moment of suffering. I will care for myself through this.” or “I embrace this moment to let go of my fear and move forward.”
- Move – Movement transfigures stress into a digestible form. It releases the hold of stress on our bodies. Movement takes many forms. It could be a statement as in the above affirmation; it could look like going for a walk; or it could manifest in the form of writing, music, and art. The most beautiful part of a loving practice, is that there are limitless ways of channeling our energy into growth and flourishing.
Summary
The article is a reminder that in order to love ourselves we must first listen. The act of listening nourishes nonjudgmental acceptance and restores the body to harmony. A listening practice stabilizes stress reactivity and opens the channels of creative expression.
Let love always lead you to listen more deeply, understand more fully, connect more securely, forgive more freely, communicate more clearly, and respond more gently
LR Knost
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